The George Lucas Usenet Archive
In My Own Defense
From: email@example.com (George Lucas)
Subject: In My Own Defense
Date: Mon, 18 Oct 1999 23:51:01 -0500
Organization: Lucasfilm, Ltd.
Summary: My outspoken words of wisdom.
Keywords: artoo Luke ribald fun
I write to you again on matters of Star Wars importance, because I consider my online fans to be the dense core of Star Wars fandom. Thanks to you, Star Wars has become a world-wide phenomenon, much like the Internet. Unlike the Internet, it has made me rich beyond belief.
I make no secret that I live a life of aloof luxury, hidden away behind armies of fawning yes-men and totally mindless assistants. My opinion is unquestioningly accepted by those around me. I consort with men dressed as delicate fairies. I drink my wine out of a crystal goblet in the shape of Mark Hamill's head. I once forced the actress who played Mon Mothma to share my bed. How surprised she was when Tom Selleck abruptly entered the bedroom and unhesitatingly disrobed. I could only giggle as he slipped between us.
Yet even my legions of obedient morons have proved insufficient in coccooning me safely from cold reality. I have heard criticisms of my movie, and of my projected plans to make Episode 2 a largely black film (with Kid and Play starring in a career-reviving turn as Jedi Knights in search of what my black brothers call "booty").
I call upon you, the dense core, to shout down all those who criticize me. Only a bloodbath of revenge will now satisfy me. Only a holocaust of bloodletting will restore me to calm. Only the maddening butchery as grotesque and insane as a thousand wars will sate my bloodlust. Only a horrifying, senseless monsoon of blood and an unholy avalanche of carnage can satisfy my perverted desires. (Please skin Robert Ebert alive first.)
That is all for now. I must return to writing my screenplay, and then it is off to surf the web for my usual 15 hours. Then sleep for my usual eight and a half hours. I love it!
May the Force Be With You All,