The George Lucas Usenet Archive

New Revelations of Episode II
From: George Lucas
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc
Subject: New Revelations of Episode II
Organization: Lucasfilm, Ltd.
Dear Star Wars fans,

As a special treat for my online fans, who have been such strong supporters of my films, I have decided to share some tidbits with you about the upcoming Star Wars movie, "Episode II". No, I'm not going to give away any major secrets, because I want my fans to enjoy the surprise of seeing the story unfold on the big screen. However, I don't mind sharing some "behind the scenes" trivia that you might find interesting.

Here then are my "Amazing Facts About Episode II". Please don't share them with others, they are intended only for my fans online.

Fact 1: We are giving Yoda a new look: the combover.

Fact 2: Mace Windu will develop a moving friendship with the robot C-3P0.

Fact 3: Princess Armadillo and Anakin Skywalker engage in a feisty battle of wills, and in one scene Anakin roughly humps against her and shouts, "Come on, baby!"

Fact 4: In a subplot, Mace Windu tries to determine if C-3P0 could be the first robot Jedi.

Fact 5: A mysterious new character, who cannot be seen, heard, or felt, confounds the Jedi.

Fact 6: Episode II will be pulled from theaters halfway through its initial run, to be replaced with Episode II SE, the way I always intended it to be.

Fact 7: Qui-Gon's gay brother, Queen John, lightens the film and shows the gay-friendly side of Lucasfilm, which has recently installed AIDS-proof condoms and anal lubricants in all its company men's rooms.

Fact 8: Ben Kenobi is almost seduced by...Cher?!?

I have heard many wild rumors about Episode II, and I would just like to add that there is no truth to the rumor that Boba Fett will be revealed to be Anakin's father, and that Shmi smoothed this over because she was too embarrassed to admit that she had been romantically involved with five men and one half-wookie at a party years ago. I repeat, this is absolutely not true and any "script excerpt" that purports to show this happening is obviously the work of others or is an early draft.

I hope you liked these revelations of what is to come in Episode II. Natalie and I both send our fondest tidings to our fans, and Natalie would like to take this opportunity to assure her parents that she is safe, and would like them to send her lacy underthings by package delivery to Lucasfilm as soon as possible.

May The Force Be With You All,