The George Lucas Usenet Archive
Re: Star Wars prediction
From: email@example.com (Geoge Lucas)
Subject: Re: Star Wars prediction
Date: Tue, 06 Mar 2001 20:14:58 -0600
Keywords: Greedy shooting bar homosexual
Summary: Why won't they leave him alone?
Organization: Lucasfilm, Ltd.
Jim wrote in <firstname.lastname@example.org>:
I agree with EP 4 and the Greedo shooting. That's ridiculous. Although it's neat to see Jabba in the EP 4 it's redundant. Jabba just repeats word for word almost what Greedo says in the bar. Plus it was mentioned one time that seeing the Falcon the first time when Luke sees it and announces it's a piece of junk sort of spoils that scene since you've already seen the falcon in the Jabba scene.
I don't care what you think. I don't care if you don't like my Star Wars SPECIAL Edition, because I like it and that's all that counts. In fact, when I release the ULTIMATE Edition, you will see that I make even more changes. You probably won't like any of them, because you're not a true fan.
Guess what? Everything is going to change in the ULTIMATE Edition. The Lando and Lobot relationship will be revealed. Footage from The Empire Strikes Back will be digitally altered so that Carrie Fisher looks less like a cokehead and more like a crack whore. All the spaceships will be replaced with newer, sleeker models with more chrome and with smooth, graceful curves (inspired by the new Hewlett-Packard printers). Moreover, there will be a new character in the trilogy--me! That's right, I, George Lucas, will now portray the character of George Moonstalker, Luke's slightly older cousin. Also, to restore racial balance in my effort to suck up to those who thought Jar-Jar was a caricature of black men, footage of Jimmy Walker will be included where appropriate in The New Hope. (That's right, it's not "A New Hope"--it's "The New Hope". Get used to it.) He'll be in the famous Biggs scenes, his image taking the place of the actor who played Biggs (and who I believe killed himself shortly after the movie became a big hit). Finally, the logo is being redesigned and will use the same look as the Bonanza tv show. Again, get used to it, because if you complain it won't make any difference, I'm doing it anyway.
I admit, I'm in a bad mood today because my ad on Excite Personals got alot of insulting replies. I guess the worst was from Marcia, who wrote to say that she wished she had cheated on me even more, as difficult as that would have been. Not that the response from my son Jett was any kinder--he said I must have picked the wrong option because he was sure I meant to post in the Man+Man category. (That's not fair, and he knows it! Steve S. was the only man I ever made out with, and that was really more of a confusing mistake than anything else.)
Okay, I guess I got off on kind of a tangent, there. I also guess I owe you an apology, John. Not a complete apology--you still said some very hurtful things about me and my work--but at least the basic foundation of an apology. I kind of fly off the handle now more because just about the only food I ingest is Ding Dongs. Can we still be Internet friends?
May The Force Be With You, Always,